


to all your burnt bridges

by Crowned_Ladybug



Category: Half Life VR But The AI Is Self-Aware
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, I suppose?, Video Game Mechanics, it's not a game. or maybe it is? or it isn't? does it matter?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:48:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27954146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crowned_Ladybug/pseuds/Crowned_Ladybug
Summary: All he can do is reach out into the nothingness around himself. Nothing, nothing, nothing.Nothing, until his consciousness catches on something, and he grasps for it. Like the tiniest ridge on a smooth wall. He grabs and hepulls.Benrey rips into the code.
Relationships: Benrey & Bubby & Tommy Coolatta & Dr. Coomer & Gordon Freeman, Benrey & The Science Team (Half-Life)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 68





	to all your burnt bridges

**Author's Note:**

> A short rendition of an idea I've had in my head for a While now. Wasn't meant to be a fic but ended up close enough to one that I decided to touch it up, and I liked it so much I decided y'all will get to see it too

The story starts where the last one had ended. Not in the movie theatre, not after the heists, but where the original story ends. Somewhere around the birthday party.

Benrey is in the void. Waiting to respawn. Filled with anger and grief and pain and everything else he could possibly be feeling right now. He died. He became the final boss. His friends killed him. He didn't want to do it, but he had to. He had no other choice. No choices, period.

And now he's got nothing to go back to. He doesn't know if Black Mesa still exists at all and if he still has a job there (stupid job, never wanted it, why was he there in the first place - it was the Narrative, of course, the Narrative put him there and capitalised on his need to Protect to put him into that role), if he still has his dorm room with his PlayStation in it. That's all he has left, really, if he has anything left at all.

Not much worth respawning to, is it?

Benrey grieves. If he could, he'd scream. Punch a wall. Do _something_.

All he can do is reach out into the nothingness around himself. Nothing, nothing, nothing.

Nothing, until his consciousness catches on something, and he grasps for it. Like the tiniest ridge on a smooth wall. He grabs and he _pulls_.

Benrey rips into the code.

He roots around until something catches his eye (eye? perception? consciousness?). He reaches out, grasps at the code, doesn't bother to feel for the puppet strings of the Narrative, if they've gone slack around his wrists yet.

  
  


Reset game? Y/N

Y

  
  


It puts him back at the start of the day when everything went to shit. For the player, that's where it starts, travelling on the metal cart to the facility. Credits rolling. If this was a game.

This isn't a game.

  
  


But Benrey can fix things. Do it all over again. Do it better this time. Maybe if he's kinder, more helpful, if he gets lost less and does more and doesn't summon any skeletons, then it'll be okay. Then he won’t become the villain anymore.

He can fix this.

  
  


So he does his best.

He's nicer. Cracks the same amount of jokes, says the same amount of stupid shit, but less at Gordon's expense. Learns when to step down. When to be in the way and when not to.

Him and Gordon hit it off so well. Benrey uses what little experience he has with him to cut the corners in having to get on his nerves before learning when to stop, and Gordon is honestly a very nice person. So easy to get along with. To be around. To grow used to.

They're thick as thieves in no time.

  
  


Tommy is still Tommy. Benrey doesn't have to change anything in that. They were friends before this, and at the end of it all, Tommy was the last one to still believe in him.

Benrey is so happy to see him again.

  
  


Coomer is not hard to get along with. Never has been. Not until Benrey gave him a reason for the opposite. That doesn't change much either.

  
  


With Bubby, they get along like a house on fire. Benrey already knows how to goad Bubby into being fun, and now he's learning how to reel him back if Coomer or Gordon aren't there to do it for him. There's no malicious intent in it this time. Just two impulsive, kind of unhinged bastards delighting in their chaos.

Sometimes they go too far, and then Gordon will call for them to knock it off. Then there'll be one more laugh, one more tug on Bubby's coat, one more shove that sends Benrey stumbling into a wall. And then Bubby will straighten the lapels of his coat and pull out a gun from nowhere again, and Benrey will grin and dust his hands off and slink back to Gordon's side.

  
  


It goes so well.

  
  


Sure, Benrey is a little strange sometimes. Sometimes he'll say things that make no sense, they're all used to that. But sometimes he'll say or reference things that someone else was also about to, like he's read their minds. He beats them to their own jokes about a room or a situation, then snaps his mouth shut too fast, like he's slipped up. Sometimes he references things they haven't even told him yet - he mutters something about Coomer's clones at some point, mentions Gordon's son a few times before they reach that particular locker room.

Some of it can be passed off as guessing, accidentally saying something too on-point, nonsense Benrey humour only making sense in retrospect.

No one thinks to mention much their ever-growing sense of deja vu.

  
  


It all goes so well.

  
  


Until it doesn't.

  
  


What Benrey didn't know is that the ambush is hard coded into the game. He thought if he kept both himself and Bubby on the good side, nothing bad would happen. They'd walk into that room and they'd be fine. Get healed up, maybe take a rest, move on. Cross his fingers that the slowly building tension over the Team’s collective feeling of deja vu won't snap and won't lead them anywhere.

  
  


They step into the room, the lights go down, and this time, everyone is caught off guard. Benrey had raced into the room first on some bout of paranoia, but he's shoved aside before his night vision could properly come on and tell him what he's seeing.

His night vision isn't coming on.

It’s dark. Why is it so _dark_.

The shouts of shock and victory are this time replaced by battle cries and this unholy screeching as Benrey throws himself into the fray, tearing and biting and kicking at anyone who isn't his people. Tommy's muzzle flare and Bubby's flames barely provide any light while Coomer bashes skulls with his usual cheer. When Gordon screams, Benrey puts it out of his mind and keeps fighting.

They lose anyway.

Benrey gets shot so much he's forced into respawning before the battle is even over. Tommy and Coomer, simply collateral, are left behind, and Bubby is dragged away like a carcass, an escaped experiment to be returned to its rightful place. And Gordon faces the same fate as last time.

  
  


Benrey finds Gordon after he respawns. He knows that he's the one who needs help the most right now.

Gordon is hurt and delirious and _missing a fucking hand,_ but he's still glad to see Benrey. He meets every disjointed, nonsense apology with "It’s okay. It wasn't your fault," and Benrey can barely take that.

And then he doesn't have to.

"it wasn't supposed to happen, not this time," it just slips out, and he can almost feel the world stop and then start turning the wrong way.

The deja vu gives away to something that makes more sense. The picture coming together. Memories that shouldn't exist, memories of a different past and a future that's already happened, the betrayal, the villain, the _ending_.

Gordon turns on him.

He yells. So much. And Benrey can’t even blame him. He puts the picture together as he talks, calls Benrey a sick fuck for putting them all through this again, and for what? His own fun? Trying to perfect his run? Play god over the timeline? Just to see them all suffer _again_ because one time was not enough?

Benrey has no words to defend himself with. Whatever he does say isn't even heard.

Gordon turns around and leaves. In the desert and missing his hand and bleeding out. Still better than Benrey.

  
  


The Narrative is smug. It watches as Benrey goes slack against his puppet strings.

This is an even better setup for a villain than last time.

  
  


The Science Team regroup, and move on. They remember now. They don't want Benrey back, not even Tommy. He still wants to _understand_ , but…there's not much explaining that can make this better now.

They move on.

Their jokes trail off halfway through when they're just repeats of Last Time. Because now there's a Last Time. They know how to get through room after room better now. Fights go smoother. Resources are rationed better, knowing where they can stock up next.

They laugh less.

They just need to finish this. Again.

  
  


They don't see Benrey again. Not much anyway.

He watches them through walls. Makes sure nothing worse happens, as if it still matters. Sits vigil as they sleep and watches them make it through puzzles and helps with the toughest fights even if they only ever catch glimpses of him.

  
  


And the Narrative waits.

  
  


They make it to Xen, and there's no giant Benrey in the sky. No taunts, no jokes. No final great moments before they step into the chamber where Last Time, they had fought Benrey.

When Benrey had reset the save, he'd hoped to escape his role as a villain. That when they get to the end, the final boss would be whatever beast had been there before him. Or just nothing.

But of course he didn't get his way.

  
  


Benrey towers above them, but it isn't like Last Time. Last Time, he'd been gigantic, yes, and weird-looking sometimes, but still mostly human. Just very big.

Now he's warped. Barely tangible. Skeletal and many-limbed and with dozens and dozens of eyes all blinking to their own beat. He had fought the Narrative every second of the way as it dragged him here and moulded him into the monster, and it shows.

The only thing human about him anymore is the fear.

  
  


They don't shoot. Benrey would let them, but they don't.

  
  


Gordon steps closer. He's still the Protagonist, after all. Benrey crouches down to meet him as close to eye level as he can.

"bro, why aren't you shooting me. this is the bossfight, you're supposed to-"

"No."

"whu-"

"No, don't even start. We're going to _talk_ , because you've got some fucking explaining to do. So you're going to do that, and _then_ we can get to the shooting part."

He's so angry he's shaking, but his gun-hand is still lowered.

"i told you already-"

"Then tell me _again_. Tell _u_ _s_."

He's hanging onto that last little hope that this is a misunderstanding, still. He's taking Tommy's words from Last Time to heart. They need to _understand_ , even if he can’t imagine himself ever forgiving, in this world or the next.

When he kills Benrey, at least by then he'll understand why.

So Benrey explains. As much and as well as he can, in his own, very _Benrey_ way. That he wanted to do good. _Be_ good. That he wanted to fix everything and do it better this time. No one was supposed to remember. He didn't know they'd remember. Everyone was supposed to get out of this happy and safe and alive.

He’s fixed nothing.

  
  


And when he's done talking, he waits. Reaches into the code even as the strings strain against his wrist and dig into flesh that isn't there.

Grabs his HP counter and brings it down to 1.

If there's one last thing he'll get to ask for, he'd like for this to be quick.

  
  


Gordon looks at the Science Team, gathered behind him, and they share a Look. And he steps closer, again. Close enough to lay his remaining hand over the dry done of Benrey's face and pick a handful of eyes to switch around looking into.

And Benrey still waits for the final blow.

  
  


"We're not going to fight you."

  
  


And so they don't.

  
  


The Narrative halts.

  
  


They don't fight, and there's not much else they can _do_ , so they rest. Try to figure out how to go from here. Even giant and warped and monstrous, Benrey isn't their villain. They've all gone through horrible things, again, but he isn't their villain. They won’t let him become one, just a step away from having been too late.

So they wait, and they talk.

Benrey lays down fully in the water that covers the bottom of the cavern and rests his head on two of his arms. Tommy immediately climbs up to sit in the crook of his elbow, and after Gordon fails spectacularly to follow him, him and Benrey help him climb up. Coomer sits on one of Benrey's open palms and plays fetch with Sunkist using the shell of an empty medkit, and Benrey can hear Bubby cheering as he climbs up onto his back and then the splash when he promptly falls back off.

They talk like they haven't before, because now there's time and space and nowhere to hurry. There's anecdotes from Coomer and Bubby's younger days, and Gordon tells them more about Joshie. He argues with Benrey over the most minute and pointless video game things, and then Tommy tells them that his dad thinks Chuck E Cheese isn't a restaurant, and they derail into that for like half an hour.

It’s as nice as it can get, really, stuck aimlessly in the boss arena, with the boss lying there with them and rambling about obscure video game lore. An ultimate show of trust from both sides, sitting with the monster that could crush them in one motion, and unbeknownst to them, one hit away from death.

  
  


They wait.

  
  


And the Narrative finally gives.

  
  


It’s so simple and unceremonious that Benrey _laughs_. Or maybe it’s just his frayed nerves. The Team don't get a warning before they land on their asses back in the water, and Bubby is screaming fuck-yous at Benrey before he shakes the water out of his eyes and sees that he's not there.

Benrey is a little distance away from them, struggling to his feet, sputtering almost _indignantly_ and soaked to the bone, hair escaping from under his helmet and sticking to his face.

Human again. Or as human as Benrey can get, anyway.

The group hug is messy and a little violent and almost knocks Benrey back into the water so really, it’s entirely befitting the Science Team. Benrey is shaking and the only thing holding him up is his vice grip on Tommy's coat, and then someone accidentally knocks his helmet off and Coomer ruffles his hair with such vehemence like he's trying to make up for decades of not knowing him and not getting to do that. Bubby doesn't like hugs, but fuck if he's gonna let anyone outdo him _now,_ and Sunkist keeps trying to nose her way between them, and Gordon gets called Tin Man at least twice but promises that he gives much better hugs when he's not in the HEV suit many more times than that.

  
  


The portal to who-knows-where is open, and the Narrative has long moved on. The team hobble through the portal together - Benrey on Sunkist’s back and Gordon with a hand braced against her shoulder, still far from top condition, Coomer hooking his arm with Bubby and saying something about riding off into the sunset, and Tommy bringing up the rear with a bounce in his step.

They leave Xen behind with a final flash of green.

  
  


After all, they have a birthday party to attend.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Fun fact! There was no Boss Beast anymore! Had Benrey fought his way out of the Narrative's grasp completely, it would've just grabbed someone else from the Science Team to make into the Boss, which is what ultimately convinced Benrey to give in and let it happen to him instead >:)
> 
> [my main tumblr](pristine-starlight.tumblr.com/) | [my art tumblr](crowned-ladybug.tumblr.com/)


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